D is really worked up about things right now. Never mind I started renovating his bedroom this past weekend, or that school is coming to an end, and... he's on a mission to find work.
I've been preparing D for the move to his little brother's bedroom for a few weeks as we are repairing the holes in his walls and enlarging his bedroom a few feet and adding an additional closet. Giving him a space befitting a nineteen year old. In order to accomplish this, we had to pack up every toy, sock, cardboard box and trash collectible in D's possession and store it. D's not happy. Saying that... is putting it mildly.
This morning for example; instead of o.k. Mom; I got instead a "fuck you Mom", when requesting he put his dishes in the dishwasher. He then stomped out of the room. His middle brother looks on and says to me, "you would never let me get away with that Mom." It's true I wouldn't. What parent in the right mind would tolerate that kind of behavior. Is it enabling to accept it?
I found myself explaining to D2 that his brother was under a great deal of anxiety over the idea of working and was now confronted with no place to hide, as his room was stripped to the bare walls.
I also reminded him of a conversation we had just a few years before when I told him he would someday surpass his older brother. "Do you remember that D2?"
He did remember and is beginning to comprehend the monumentous undertaking that will have to take place for his older brother to accomplish having a job, living on his own or driving a car. D2 will take driver's education in the fall. I also reminded D2 that he would have to drive his big brother around.
Thankfully, I was blessed with a very compassionate and well educated middle son who truly gets it and sometimes even better than his Father or I do.
So what is the answer? I think setting rules for behavior and following through. As this is a new behavior for him I will have to decide how I will treat it. His Dad and I have some ideas but I'll let you know. I also think it's important not to wait, but when he's this mad...waiting is the only option. Not waiting would only escalate the inappropriate behavior.
His Dad said that after he stomped out of the room he called his Father and said I was acting crazy and yelling at him. His Dad called me and got the story and then got him on the phone and told him, "D, you can think it, but you can't say it." O.k., but that isn't solving the problem? I agree that yes we have to teach our kids that saying and thinking things are different and may help to de-escalate their feelings but we still haven't addressed the infraction.
I'll let you know what transpires in our talks tonight.
